Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
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