We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
