Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
Randomize
