Need sex. Gaining weight.
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
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