to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
Randomize
