I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
Randomize
