he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize
