well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
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