Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
don't judge my taste in strippers
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
Randomize
