i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
