A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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