I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
