I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
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