She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
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