I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
Randomize
