my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
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