he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
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