when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
I'm up to 9 pic of different guys. I need 4 more boys and each one of the 13 to submit 3 additional pics. I wanna make a penis deck of cards.
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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