Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
The air taste purple.
Randomize