Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
Randomize