I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
Randomize
