Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Randomize
