i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
Randomize
