What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize
