no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
Green mimosas i think yes
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize
