I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
I cockslap morals
im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
