I could make wine with my vomit
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
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