Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
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