i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
Randomize
