it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
Randomize
