i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
