can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
Randomize
