he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
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