this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
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