Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
Randomize
