naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
Well I just put wine in my tea
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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