She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
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