I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
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