Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
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