kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
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