The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
Randomize
