Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
ok first of all what the fuck
Randomize
