the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
Randomize
