I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Randomize
