I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
Randomize
