Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
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