there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
You're earring is so big in my mouth
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
