She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
Randomize
