Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Randomize
