well I can't set my house on fire every night
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
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