While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
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