Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Randomize
