Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
