yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
