Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
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