Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
Randomize
