I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
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