Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
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