My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
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