Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Randomize
