I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
We discussed how the marijuana was making the dopamine float around our nucleus accumbens last night when we were high. Yet another example of how our science classes are perverting our good times.
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
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