High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
Are we still banned from the library?
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
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