We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
My bed is full of blood and feathers
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
Randomize
