Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
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