if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
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