we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Randomize
