i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
OPIZZABONMYDICK
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
Randomize
