if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
Just cropdusted the office
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
