I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Randomize
