I was born with a shot glass in my hand
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
Randomize
