guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
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