I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
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