how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
I would fuck him just for his dog
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
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